There are two reasons why I write…
Perhaps these are two reasons why anyone writes…
Materialistic urge: To get money (blog posts), praise appreciation (research paper), to share knowledge (how to tutorials), etc.
Emotional overload…
And that’s it. This blog is a complete emotional overload. Shame on me, even if I call myself an extrovert, I can’t explain or show or tell my feelings to someone. How can I? Feelings are meant to be felt not told.
I was questioning my own existence… My friend he is a crorepati. He earns around 19 crores every year through his real estate business. We both are very business minded persons…
While he earns crores and sits beside me inthe class, I feel like what am I doing? I’m just earning a few thousands. And there we are sitting inthe same class…
And guess what, he earns what I would ever need to get out of this rat race.
Does the rat race scare you? It’s an endless loop… until or unless you buy your own ticket out of it. And how do you buy the ticket? By becoming satisfied with the life you have and with the amount of money you have in your bank.
That’s it. And trust me, it’s hard because when we are talking about getting out of rat race… I mean to be financially free for the next 100 years of my life (I am assuming that I live so long.. But I don’t want to.)
I think I fear the rat race. And I fear dying within it.
It’s a grand scam… Why do we exist? Why are we put up in this world? Perhaps, rat race might just be inside our own heads. Because I’ve seen people earning and working very hard for every single penny and still becoming satisfied. My father is a huge example.. He earns around a lac (now in 2023) and guess what, at the end of the month, he doesn’t have any money mostly… but he is hugely satisfied with everything he has. Though that satisfaction is never shown by him.
Satisfaction is a feeling, it is to be felt.
Well, I fear dying within this rat race. Life of amortal is so short. And I realized that I’ve been living in the far future in the name of living in the present. The world spins and round and round it goes… like it would be for the next billion of years.
But I have been losing my present self for the sake of being what I would be.
Is this what I am? Just a mere compilation of flesh and bones, carrying my own body like a burden. The mind wants to escape. It wants to be free.
Wait… it’s not the mind. it’s me. I’m not my mind. Nor am I this body.
The wind blows. The sky covers with greyish little clouds. You know that they are going to join with each other and become a big cloud to fall as rains.
Millions of drops of water. Falling. In flow. continuous.
Being with the water… Being like the water.
I think there’s a huge mistake which I have been doing for a long time. I’m not giving it my full.
I’m afraid of my passing. Like I said that trying to escape the rat race once and for all, in my mind. But there’s a hard question running in my mind…
And please feel free to comment your views .
At any age, any and every person almost… has a goal. A dream. An aim… but when the person dies, he/she dies with current his/her dreams. And to die, one is taught that he should die without any self-ful thoughts. So what should be the approach of all of us? All of us can die any moment.
I made a mistake… I am doing everything to get back. Get to the present. I hae been living inthe future. In hte thoughts. In the life. From the person who thinks of becoming what he was meant to.
But this natural inclination of my mind… has changed the way I have looked at life.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of dying. And even more afraid of dying alone and with my goals and dreams.
Might be one of the reasons why I don’t feel any urge to full-on in something.
There’s a great flaw in having intelligence. They say the happiest minds are the most simple ones…
But the truth is that intelligence is a curse in itself.
Because it’s harder to overlook a harsh truth than to be yourself and not know about it. You are running because you are late for your work. Your boss would kick you out if you miss the deadline today… You run across the road in a hurry. At the corner bend before your work place, where you need to do your work because you have a family to feed.
A beggar is bleeding on the side of the road and even you know that you should do something. You have to over look the poor bleeding thing and go to work. Because guess what, we all have priorities. You have a family to feed. You have your goals to pursue. A thousand reasons inside your mind to make your action feel righteous and it’s ok to leave that poor beggar dying on the streets just to make your mind good.
The mind is a trap in itself. And just for a moment, if you didn’t know what is bleeding. For a moment if you didn’t know what was happening and you didn’t have the necessary intelligence to understand. Life would have been much simple and happier. Because there’s a curse of intelligence that we all overlook.
But those who have overcome this powerful curse are the ones truly at peace. Because they know that in the end, all these things were bound to turn dust and vanish away in a form which nobody could find ever again… Ether might be fictional but it can be felt.
I’m afraid of the attachments I have made.
To all the things in which I have let my mind call ‘fall in love’. From my parents, from my friends, from a lot of things. I have felt loss. And I know very well how it feels to lose someone or something you love.
But should we all be afraid of our own attachments? Because when the time comes, things would crumble unto the darkness. And your body would give up. You remind would collapse. And you … for that instant, you would realize that you will be liberated from this cage which held you long.
You will be released but there you are DYING. Feeling the numbness in your entire body. From body to toes. You are dying you know. Every cell of your body would be feeling it. And trust me, it’s a current in your body.
Death it self is like waiting for someone in the doorway which would remain empty. Death is like watching hte waves engulf your entire body, but there’s no hardwork to survive,. You and your body both know that it’s over . Death is like trying to not breathe in this alreaddy suffocated body beecause you already know that suffocation has already done its work.
You are afraid of your own death. Even if you aren’t. You are afraid of the fear of death. death is feared but you can’t do anything. You knew it all along that something was coming. Well, I guess clapping from the audience was much easier than to get on the stage to get the prize.
You are alone.
Best part? You are come alone and you leae alone. And sometimes, these attachments perhaps fools your entire brain into thinking that you desereved to be TRAPPED where you are currently. The inner wish of ever mortal is to be free of its’ own trap.
The world is a game. A big scam. And attachments might just be another ruse to get yourself more trapped.
Fear of attachments… is there a particular name for it? Perhaps, I should get back to the present and not run ahead of time to write it when I shouldn’t.