The dark night sky is allowing the hollow and barren winds to blow…
Funny.
And yet, in this road that I walk upon is still gray. For the years that have turned them into this color of monochrome… Gray reflects nothing. No emotion… Numbness, Insensible, Dead…
***
Meditation has opened a new world to me…
I have been meditating for over 2 years now… (now is 2023).
I feel this sensation. From my feet to my mind where I see the connections.
The entire tree… I can’t see it. But I can feel it.
There’s a ground near my home. Almost every morning I used to go for a run and meditate. One day, out of my wishes, I had decided to take my shoes off… And day by day, the sensation grew to this extent.
It’s like my human body has some serious connection with the Earth, on which my bare skin falls upon. There’s a thumping. I can feel the heart beating. I can feel the grasses. There’s a network. Individual auras and radiations from the people who are making contact with the earth.
The radius on sensation is very small. But if I can focus like when I do during my meditation, I can feel the stomping movement of the runner who went past me even as far as 100m.
Changes… Evolution.
The mere body is far much more capable than you think it to be.
Lately, it’s been 6 months and a little after that (2023), I have changed my focus areas.
It’s 7 49pm, I have cycled almost a kilometer to attend to my swimming classes… Well, the swimming classes are getting off this week (1st week of Nov, 2023) for this year.
(Actually, the water turns very cold and so, all the local swimming is shut down… 🙂because obviously, you don’t want to catch cold).
So, basically I paid 3000rs and got myself enrolled in this swimming classes and I could swim like an average person perfectly (I was sure that I won’t drown anymore) within the first 2 weeks.
Well… things come to an end. All things do.
The water has a unique vibe. Just the water. Just the pure water. Not the molecule but the agglomeration of the fluid that holds my fragile body beneath it.
I can feel it pushing through my veins. So strong and yet, gentle.
If I close my eyes, I can perceive the vibrations of my heart inside water. The thumping of my own heart is pretty discernable under the water I’m in.
I wanted to know how it feels to be suffocated within this life-giving liquid.
The life on Earth came from water.
And yet, this water is capable of miracles and disaster which we can never imagine.
My days of swimming have come to an end. And I don’t think I would enroll next year because I am satisfied to the point where I have learnt swimming.
One day, things are gonna give up.
My mind has started taking a lot of chores recently.
Simultaneously completing grade 11 and grade 12 for Olympiads,
Starting off with AP classes,
Preparing for school tests, etc. are a few of the academic stuffs I’m dealing with.
I have a lot of friends who are chilling out, watching their favourite animes, bingeing on their favourite movie shows, etc.… while here I’m trying to figure out a way.
It’s hard… But this is only the time to work hard.
And stand out exceptionally.
Because when you grow up, almost everyone realizes the huge pressure they are in and hence, things turn out to be shitty competitive (800+ vacancies for 8lakh applicants) :)
I need to do get accepted. I need to clear this exam. I need to finish up my books… Things are a constant struggle sometimes.
The mind is a very bad servant. It creates thoughts upon your feelings and almost 90% of the time, you accept what you mind thinks. And here’s the funny part…
You have become your mind’s slave. Driven by the pleasurable, easy-going life.
The mind doesn’t want you to see the dark side. The dark sides sometimes pounce upon in your nightmares.
In some mere ways of materialism…
What if I couldn’t get into the college I’m preparing?
What if I can’t score good enough in the upcoming tests?
What if I do something and that breaks people’s trust in me?
Things are not as good as you think because, now, you are an overthinker.
And if you don’t have any control over the thoughts that your mind is creating… You are letting go of your destiny from your own hands.
I used to day dream a lot back in grade 9.
I was like, lying down on bed and think… ‘If I do this, I can be that, then I can shock everyone with my success’, “If I start off freelancing and earn around 100$ every month, my parents would be shocked”, etc. bull shit. Pure bull shit :)
(Because earning $100 is not as easy as you think it is)
The control of my mind is flickering.
And at times, I want to revisit the dark alleys of the virtual unreal circumstances and imaginations which my mind has created.
I find peace in this violence… There’s no point in trying…
Things are coming ahead. And I truly hope that everything is gonna be alright in the end. Because that’s human… adapting and fighting through these struggles.
With the right thought, anything can be preceded. Any goal can be achieved.
Towards infinity and beyond…
Beyond the mortal eyes could see with its materialism.
Yonder to a world that lies far ahead, heavens is no comparison… there is a monochromacy when you look at it… just like observing your and other lives critically from a third person perspective.
Because in the end, true freedom isn’t what it truly looks like.
Your view on the topic of "true freedom" is truly realistic, not too much nor too less...like a stew being cooked in a controlled flame, the flavours only hit your tongue, when they are cooked consistently...
Even if Hanuman had died in Ramayana, Ram wouldn't have faltered... A new 'Hanuman' would have sprung up eventually.
And even if Ram faltered, a new 'Ram' would have arisen. The thing I'm pointing to is UNIVERSE SEEKS A BALANCE.
There's a greater power... Beyond, not behind the Devas and Asuras that are lurking today.
All that a mere mortal (or anyone) can do, is to leave things, adapt, accept and move on.
Mortality is a boon. Immortality is a curse in disguise. It's a journey with seems to have no end.
And the ones who are Mortals, are the only ones capable of experiencing life like no immoral.