Is this What I'm, GOD?
It’s quite a habit now.
I don’t think that I ever missed doing this in the morning. And for the days, I missed… I can count those days on my hand.
I’m talking about meditating. Not on GOD.
After all, GOD might be a FLAWED CONCEPT. Just like humanity thinks of itself…
I’m Meditating on Self.
The alarm rings with the song Liggi by Ritwiz. I love to wake up to that song. So, I set that up on my alarm ringtone. The sleepy eyes want more sleep. So does the body.
But I have dreams to chase.
I release myself from the laziness of my bed and head to toilet and then to the basin. There’s a huge mirror on our basin. The sound of brushing is a trigger. A trigger that now it’s time to get fresh for the entire day to come.
I fill up the water bottle for her. She gets very out of breath after running.
The maidan is just a little 30 seconds cycling distance. I can walk but I have a little fear of dogs… So yeah, you get it 😅
I don’t run. I don’t.
Sometimes I walk. And that too, not on the grass with my boots on.
It seems very monotonous to me. Walking round and round on the same path, alone.
I would rather walk on the barren road with my naked feet.
These days, I just cycle to the maidan and do some free hand exercises, do 3 times surya namaskar and sit down in complete serenity of the world that mostly sleeps sound.
The grasses, little and small, feel like a cushion beneath. And there I am, meditating on Self.
The Earth below isn’t asleep. It is raging. With all its children. Some sleeping and while others working their ass off.
I ask with my eyes closed… What am I?
Is this what I’m?
Just a transformed body of dust, soon to be crumbled and mixed unto the very Earth I’m sitting upon?
One day, these little hands which are typing these very words, would soon cease to exist as nothing but tiny scattered specks of dust.
Calmly, I feel myself evolving…
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Cycling through the empty streets at night, there’s that single street lamp, which seems to enlighten the entire path.
The night is heavy with darkness which it holds. Something’s similar…
It’s the darkness.
The stars are blinded by the dark clouds. The moon has gone away out of fear. The night is cold within right from it’s own heart.
The lone cyclist feels a wind passing through. He looks up and sees the eternity in the skies. right above him…
It’s not the Noor…
It’s the Darkness.
It’s approaching.
the truth is the Darkness is really approaching. And the death clock might not be visible. We all know that it’s approaching sooner every single day.
24 hours… is a small time interval actually…
And even the mortal time might seem short for the desires that a mortal might hold.
But who can make him understand that Immortality isn’t a boon. It’s a trap.
We are fooled…
Fooled by this world.
Fooled by our little happy worlds, which we believe in (sorry to be nihilistic) but here is the truth which believes in non-existence.
Your greatest enemy to freedom is just helping you and your Self believe that the world is an amazing place and you are free to do whatever you want.
But trust me, the time would pass and in the end, if you really get conscious… you will realize that the MIND is the enemy.
The mind tricks you to believe that you are free. But like the dog which is held by a master… the dogs runs wild and now, the master also has to keep pace with it. You ut the wire that binds you with the dogs. And now, there you are, experiencing eternal peace within this mortal shell.
The Mind is controlling you. You are not your body and you are not your mind obviously.
Even the body isn’t yours to keep. It’s a loan from Earth itself. Which will be taken back once your time is up.
Why did god chose chose me?
…
I don’t know why God chose me.
Who you kidding?
How could you doubt me, I’ve always delivered.
Blinding lights … funny how the light can be blinding at the same time.
…………………
“Babai, Lock the gates.”, Mom said.
We are living in our apartment and there’s no guard. So every night, I come down and put a lock on the outer gates.
I walk down stairs. And it seemed like the Earth was calling me through these deaf floors.
One last step of the stair and that’s it.
I put my foot down on the hard concrete and walk straight…
My mind is blank. Experiencing peace.
there’s no one on the street.
It’s just me and … the darkness.
The lights can’t even never escape the darkness…
After all, the dark must exist to give meaning to the light.
I smile up… the blackness of the entire sky seemed to nod at my little miniscule presence.
A wind blows. A cold one.
The time is coming… you will be leaving this world, once and for all…
There’s a path to freedom… Freedom from the suffering… mortal suffering.
It’s time to merge with the Eternity.
But I say NO…
I still wish to experience some things…
And until I do, in this life… I’m not leaving.
Is this what I’m, after all? The wind seemed to take away some of my own dust and mix with the bare empty earth at the maidan.