Who you want to be?
It's not what you think.
I guess writing brings a different clarity. And all of you who write to get things off your chest, would know it.
I never wrote fiction… Not that I remember.
In the childhood, things were a blur. Just like others, I have glimpses. Glimpses of lying down in the dark night in our verandah because it was so hot in our room. I was 5 or 7. I remember my father showing me the stars and telling me that if I work hard, I could get up there.
I had a tough time believing that Santa Claus is actually a myth 😅. And no one has the guts to travel from North Pole and give gifts to every single Indian upper middle-class family on Christmas.
It was all our parents… Ha!
Believed that it was a big thing to even solve one JEE Adv. problem… Now I realize that I can do it myself if my basics are strong enough.
If you have guts, solve this :)
I thought school was a heaven. A heaven of education. Later on, I realized that the Indian education system is a goddamn f*cking scam. And that only way to escape it is by simultaneously maintaining other things along with your studies, which you would barely think that you will ever need.
What I wanted to be? And what am I?
I? “I” is a very subjective letter. It is a single-man army. Something that can make any human being go haywire, if he doesn’t have control over his own ego.
Ego is a dangerous fire in your inner forest. It’s anger. Except that it thinks that whatever you do is right.
But I guess, I left that part a long time ago.
Sitting on the bare open ground in the slow-blowing breezes helped me realize what I am. I’m not this body. I’m neither this mind.
Meditation helped a lot. And so did critically analyzing life and its nuances.
I remember myself as a 8 year old kid, holding my Ma’s hand, walking the over bridge of the railway stations, because I loved to watch trains. And Ma was, and is, very kind.
At that time I wanted to be a railway train driver. Even I joke about it now. Ha! 😂
Things shifted and now, I was mesmerized by the stars and night sky. The dark blue night sky with its little stars, just like diamonds embedded inside the cover of Rolls-Royce Dawn roof cover.
The darkness has its own lustre and beauty. I wanted to be an astronaut and later on, I found out that I’m more interested in researching….
I like Quantum as well as Astro. A tight battle indeed.
But something tells me, there’s a fault in my stars.
BTW, I finished up watching that movie ‘Fault in Our Stars’(Watch it online by clicking the link 😉) and it turns out to be 10x better than its Hindi remake Dil Bechara…
Augustus is a girl of 18 who wants to be remembered after his death. A typical signification of a wish held by most of us. He dies of cancer.
His love, Hazel, has cancer but she is free from the thoughts of Oblivion. The Oblivion is the complete merge of light and dark… A portion in the universe where time suddenly makes no sense. And Augustus fears Oblivion.
Without God, without faith, where do we belong in this mere world which runs on materialism?
Perhaps, we all need someone to believe in… Someone to love. someone to trust.
And it’s all a losing game. In the sense that things won’t matter in the end. Everything would crumble unto dust and what would be left is a realization that there’s no meaning.
So why continue to live?
The suffering which we call ‘life’ is what gives us purpose… if we were immortal, perhaps, existence might have not had any real meaning. Because bruh, you can’t die. You have unlimited time in the entire f*cking world.
There’s a beauty in the fragility. Like the mere rays of light penetrating through the dark black skies of the night. There’s a lure in the darkness.
Often we would rather be choose to be falling into the darkness rather than lifting our head high facing the light. A wind is blowing. You love to feel it. But things could also be the other way around. The wind might also love to feel your touch.
Materialism is a trap.
So, is having fun at the little big happiness in life.
What you want is inner peace.
What you want to be is a peaceful satisfied human.
And that’s the only way to achieve and embrace happiness which already exists around. It’s already there. You just need to make yourself aware :)
There is something cute written in this below post ;)
Thank you for reading so far. You are awesome!